Posts filed under ‘OverHeard’
OVERHEARD-Movie Theater
As we were exiting the movie UP:
Father to small boy, “What’s that in your hand?”
Boy to father, “Look! Squirrel!”
It’s only funny if you saw the movie. Then it’s really funny!
Check out the dog pack.
OVERHEARD-Hair Salon
Customer-“My husband says I have buffalo hair.”
Stylist-“What happened?’
Customer-“I used to give myself home perms.”
Do they still make those?
SOUTHERN SAYINGS
“A SOUTHERNER TALKS MUSIC.” -MARK TWAIN
I will continue to add to this list. I won’t tell you where I heard anything because it just wouldn’t be polite. Y’all come back now, ya hear?
“Bless her heart, she can’t help being ugly, but she could’ve stayed home.”
“That boy ain’t right.”
“Her eyes look like two holes burned in a blanket.”
“Just because their kids were born here don’t make them Southern. My dog sleeps in the garage. It don’t make him a truck.”
“You’re not really married ’till you send out that last thank you note.”
“Are you trying to grow potatoes behind those ears?”
“I’ve gotta see a man about a dog.” ( have to use the restroom)
“Are you catching flies?” (Don’t walk around with your mouth open.)
“When God handed out brains, he was standing behind the door.”
“Were you raised in a barn?” (referring to manners)
“If you swallow those seeds, watermelons will grow out your ears.”
“You could serve TEA off that butt!”
“He’s old as dirt.”
“Don’t bite your tongue. You’ll poison yourself.”
“No hill for a stepper.”
“You are working my last nerve.”
“I don’t have a dog in that hunt.”
“I have a bone to pick with you.”
“Gooder than grits.”
“Fuller than two ticks on a hound dog.”
“I feel like I’ve been shot at and missed and pooped on and and hit.”
“All hat, no cattle.”
“She told him how the cow ate the cabbage.”
“Everything he’s got is on the showroom floor.”
“You don’t put your money in the front window.”
“She’s a pistol!”
“He’s a hoot!”
OVERHEARD-Teacher’s Credit Union
Woman-“I’d like to cash this check please.”
Teller-“Do you have an account at this bank?”
Woman-“No, but this check is written on one of your accounts.”
Teller-“I need your driver’s license. This is gonna take awhile.”
Woman-“And why is that?”
Teller-“Because you don’t have an account at this bank.”
OVERHEARD-Denny’s
Mom, who works at Denny’s, treating two of her three adorable children to dinner and then Toys ‘R Us for a ten dollar game.
Waitress to mother, “Oh, I’ve never met Oldest Son. Who does he look like?”
Daughter pipes up, “He looks like TI. TI’s in locked up for a year and a day.”
Oh my.
Then the waitress asks where the other daughter is.
Mom, “She’s home with Grandpa. She wrote her entire name on the mini blinds with marker and lied about it. I told her if she was gonna lie – write somebody else’s name.”
After the waitress left, the son was telling his mother about his music teacher, “who’s an old lady with beautiful hair-like her.”
Pointing to me.
OVERHEARD-Hair Salon
Getting my hair done when a little old lady walks in booming, “You told me to grow my hair out! Well, I grew it out and it looks like s__! I went all over Europe looking like s___!
Oh my.
Her stylist, completely not-pulsed, ” You’re fine. Sit yourself down and let me take that.”
“You be careful with that! I got it in Europe. It was over $9,000!”
Teensie, my stylist and I lock eyes in the mirror and get the giggles.
Her stylist, not missing a beat, “Nine THOUSAND dollars? Then I’ll sell it. Coffee or Coke?”
“What is it?”, I hiss, envisioning a rock-star Birkin in a color I have never seen before.
“Short, black leather jacket.” Teensie whispers.
I whip around and quickly back again.
“That’s no $9,000 jacket!”
Big brown eyes meeting mine in the mirror, “Maybe it’s a magic jacket.”
Very unladylike snorting of coffee.
LOL=little old ladies. God bless ’em.
OVERHEARD-Tearoom
Beautiful, well-dressed lady telling her friend about another tearoom that she had recently visited, “The food was good but it was just a pick-up place.”
Friend, “Why do you say that?”
Lady, “The parking lot was full of pick-up trucks.”
Oh, dear. Wrong on so many levels.
OVERHEARD-Pet Store
You can take your leashed pets into this big box pet store.
Little-Bit was stretched out in the child seat of the cart looking like a stuffed animal. She had nothing to do with the following:
Woman, speaking to a young lady on her hands and knees cleaning a nasty mess left by the woman’s dog:
“Dixie just gets so excited when she comes to see her friends, don’t you Dixie? Dixie, look what you made this poor girl do. Dixie just LOVES to shop here! Everyone’s so nice and y’all give her treats!”
Young woman cleaning up remains of said treat from the floor, thinking, “Yes. We just LOVE it when Dixie comes to visit and stuffs her face.”
GRRrrr…
OVERHEARD-Hair Salon
The woman behind me was getting something complicated done to her hair. I could see them in the mirror but I could also hear them perfectly because I am an unabashed eavesdropper. The hairdresser was, apparently, unhappy with her boyfriend.
Client, “What you need is THE RULES.”
Stylist, “What’s the rules?”
Client, “If you knew what the rules were, you wouldn’t need the rules and you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place!”
Stylist, “It don’t matter. He’s a cowboy. He wouldn’t know the rules if they bit him in the butt!”
OK
